Guest post by Captain Edward Teach
Lands' End ye say? It be well known to us on the Seven Seas, and I ain't just be talkin' of the peninsula west of Penzance. No me hearties, I be speakin' of the finest raiments this side of the Spanish Main. The scurvy dogs of the Queen Anne's Revenge be mighty proud of bein' arrayed in such handsome apparel. If ye not be properly clad ye'd best beware—Cap'n Blackbeard'll have ye swabbin' the quarter deck the first time, and have ye keel-hauled the second!
Avast! These fine shirts be worth their weight in gold. And there be no hornswagglin' in the buyin' of 'em. The price be fair, and ye'll save a few pieces of eight since they'll stand up to more than a few years before the mast. Put every bilge rat and scalawag on yer deck in 'em and behold a sea change in their spirits: spare the cat and save the grog. Even in the tropics yer mates'll feel cool as the north wind, and they'll be the best-smellin' shark bait in the business to boot. In olden times, the plague-ship perfume of a buccaneer vessel would give you fair warning from 10 leagues, but now the Queen Anne's Revenge'll be on yer tail afore ye knows it! Since implementin' a dress code we've seen our ill-gotten gains increase 75 percent over last fiscal year, with over 20 thousand doubloons in revenue before taxes ... 'cept we bein' pirates we ain't payin' no taxes.
Now this be called a Squall®. It be a garment that protects ye from everything but a broadside. Rainstorms, ragin' seas, howlin' winds that rip the topsail from the mainmast—Squall defeats 'em all. There be deep pockets fer buryin' your treasure, and there even be another coat inside for when ye bear north to colder climes. There be no more "shiver me timbers" when yer crew is kitted out in this commodore of coats!
Be it fair weather or foul, there be plenty more most excellent apparel and other swag fer yer crew from the landlubbers at Lands' End. They have all yer booty covered!