We invited our various departments to express holiday wishes this year. And so, in their, uh, own words...
Accounting. "May your eggnog maintain liquidity throughout the quarter. Please fill out the expense reports and attach receipts for any celebration-related costs incurred."
Shipping. "Your holiday cheer will arrive at 9 o'clock sharp Friday morning by 2-day air."
Marketing. "As we ramp up for an impactful year-end campaign, we incent the small, medium and large businesses we serve to put joy and happiness on their radar screens. As shown in our PowerPoint presentation, this will necessitate a three-tiered, goal-oriented approach across multiple marketing channels..."
Fabric Colors. "Eat, drink and be Berry."
Embroidery. "May your logo draw more attention than a reindeer's red nose."
Catalog Creative. "Happy 4th of July - see you at the picnic!"
National Sales. "If it's convenient, we'd like to express our wishes in person. Would Wednesday the 22nd at 3pm in your office work for you?"
Gift Cards. "May you get exactly what you want this year."
Quality Control. "We're confident your holiday spirit will never fade. Or shrink."
The Management. "Statement regarding forward-looking information: As we forge ahead to the holidays, we trust that you will continue to thrive in this changing environment through the implementation of a five-year plan that incorporates ambitious happiness-and-joy strategies."
Perhaps we should just say it the old-fashioned way:
Happy holidays from all of us at Lands' End Business Outfitters!